Forgiving

A year or two ago W5 did a piece on a, I believe, a BC man who had been wrongfully convicted of murder. Commenting on his attitude towards what happened to him he said, “I cannot forget what happened to me, but I can forgive.”

Contrast his remarks with a man who, after witnessing the execution of Timothy McVeigh, said he didn’t get the peace he was hoping for with his death. (The man had lost a loved one in the Oklahoma City bombing.)

It is only through forgiveness that we truly find peace, which is why the first man found peace and the second man didn’t. Contrary to what some people seem to think, forgiveness does not necessarily mean that the consequences of someone’s bad behavior are removed. Sometimes that may be the case. For example, I’ve occasionally put my foot in my mouth with my wife. She forgives me and I make a mental note to try not to do it again and it has no long term consequences.

On the other hand, if I were, in a fit of rage, to destroy her car or assault one of grandchildren or her daughter, she might still forgive me, but, besides probably doing jail time, our relationship would probably be over. (Fortunately, for both of us, it is HIGHLY unlikely that I would ever behave this way.)

What then is forgiveness and what does it do? Forgiveness is basically the act of letting go, of not keeping score. We do it because we don’t want others or God to keep score with us. We also do it as it brings us internal peace. Christ (I am coming from a Christian point of view.) told the parable of someone who owed a ruler a lot of money and begged the ruler to forgive his debt. The ruler did, but then the person failed to forgive the debt of someone who owed him a much smaller debt. Upon hearing this, the ruler arrested the original debtor and threw him in prison until he paid his debt in full.

The Middle East and biker gangs are two great examples of groups that are unable to forgive. One group does something another group doesn’t like and the other group retaliates. They end up retaliating against retaliating against retaliating and no peace is ever established, at least not for long.

You forgive someone or a group of people who have done some outrage against you (Maybe something got stolen something or a loved one got killed.) it allows you to let go. Revenge eats away at and consumes you. When you forgive, it doesn’t change the situation. (Whatever outrage that was done against you is still done. Maybe the person(s) get away and are never caught.) What it does do is lift the burden of hate and anger from you that eats away inside and allows you to move on.

Is it hard to forgive? You bet. Just ask the people of South Africa and Northern Island.  And I struggle with it all the time, but when you do forgive it is always worthwhile and brings you true inner peace.